I just got off the phone with a friend. She said she decided to take a break from dating and has been dateless for eight months. She said she has never been happier in her life.
I think you should take a break from dating. If you can’t be happy and fulfilled by yourself, then you will not be happy dating. Online dating services are a sea of pain. If you take a break, you can figure out your innate structural strength.
Clarifying your path in dating and relationships is actually very simple. It’s about power. All humans want power. The dating game is often a power struggle for who comes out on top, literally and figuratively. To win, women still hide their power. Men still fear powerful women.
When you go on a date, there’s about 5,000 years of history to overcome. Before leaving their house, people identifying as a woman should understand their strongest trait is power. By power I mean rapid fluidity and change – the power of a breeze to turn into a hurricane, of a water wave to become a tsunami. The power of nature is the strongest power on earth, and women – with their bodies designed for faster fluidity and change – represent and express that power.
I learned years ago from a Buddhist teacher that women are more powerful than men. That’s because a woman’s energy body or life force vibrates rapidly and extends far beyond her physical body. The same teacher also said that a man’s energy body is more grid-like, resembling an interlinked network. It is suited to express love and humility. The difference between men and women, he pointed out, is that women are more powerful.
For millennia, the power of women has been repressed. By whom? Men. Why? Because humans tend to destroy what they are threatened by. Thus men, threatened by the power of women, successfully destroyed it in every way – economically, socially, politically, artistically, physically. Men closed the gates to power.
In my two books, Women, Meditation, and Power and The Power of the Loving Man, I point out that people who identify as male or female or both , who have every nuance of gender identity, do not recognize their innate inner traits (in fact, usually shut them down). They don’t experience the vast, joyful emotions or experiences that their innate qualities can express.
Powerful women should exude power on their first date. Loving and kind men should radiate love and kindness on the first date. And if the relationship lasts and develops, partners should nurture and support the development of these qualities as far as they can go. Otherwise, it’s just a joyless same-old power game.
To develop female power and make loving kindness far beyond what most people can imagine. I teach meditation and mindfulness in the books. How else are you going to let go of all that old, inaccurate, heavy mental programming about maleness and femaleness?
Meditation (it’s good to know about 10 ways to meditate) is about stopping thought and experiencing stillness. When that happens, you can emerge fresh, with increased perception and intuition about yourself and others. Then go on a date. If you are a person identifying as a female and you meet someone who thinks power is domination and control, run, not walk, to the nearest exit. If you are a person identifying as a man and you meet a person who acts powerless and weak, sorry, it’s not going to work.
The permutations get crazy but at the root, women = power and men = loving kindness. Both sexes have had their core qualities repressed. It’s time to turn this deeply imbalanced mix-up around.
After an eight month break to observe and practice your true role, you can start dating again, like my friend did, with totally different expectations. Or you may be so happy you will opt to continue your voyage alone, for however long it may last!